Photos

We've decided to sell our house. It's not like we have to, but we want to. My darling boyfriend had filled the top floor with everything that's been hidden in our attic. When I say everything I mean everything and when I say filled I mean filled. 'Most of the stuff is yours' he said. I looked at all the boxes and recognised some of them. Haven't seen them since I moved away from Stockholm. For example I found a paper bad filled with Ikea catalouges and magazines. All from 2001 - 2003. History. Dreaming of the perfect apartment. Then the perfect house. Still thinking it'd bring me the ultimate happiness. Maybe my apartment gave me that, the happiness. But I don't think the house has contributed that much.

Anyway, glancing at the boxes I could easily see that the majority of them wasn't mine. A box with maybe one of mine items was stuffed with the boyfriend's things. I did however find my huge John Lennon book that I thought had been stolen, it was buried underneath Boyfriend's Garfield collection. I don't mind. Seeing it again was wonderful, like a long lost friend. I've been looking for it. Every time we've prepared for New York. But I had filed it as 'stolen'. I even went thru a list of 'friends' that could have taken it it. Like the guy I refused to kiss/date who stole my Mick Jagger biography I'd gotten for Xmas. I never even read it. My John Lennon book is big however, it's not just something you put in your pocket. But you could put it in a briefcase. Or plastic bag. But it's not stolen. I still have it. What a relief. Speaking of finding lost things; Boyfriend asked me about the Greedie's version of 'Merry Jingle' and I went upstairs to get it. Took me forever to find it, allthough it was filed under Thin Lizzy / Compliations. What more I found was the 'Lizzy Songs' CD that I have been looking for. I knew I had it, John Norum is playing 'Massacre' on it. But I couldn't find it. It went so far that I had to get a 2nd copy. Today I found it. Filed under Thin Lizzy / Compliations. With only 3 cds between my original copy and the new copy. How do you explain that?

But still, this wasn't what I was going to write about.
Of all the boxes in the attic there was one I knew I would have to face sooner or - rather - later. The box with the photos from 1995 - 2003. I opened one of the envelopes and there she was. Michelle. Visting me when I lived in Gotland. Every other photo was of her, of us. Next envelope was a John Norum Group-gig. There she was again. Hugging John, hugging friends, playing the guitar, being caught up in the music. I miss her. It doesn't feel real. She was here and now she isn't. But she is. I haven't been able to let her go. I will, I guess, do it. But not yet. I looked at some more photos. Finding both Deep Purple and Pretty Maids, but still, too much pain knowing I won't be taking any more photos of Michelle. No more laughing. No more 'nudge, nudge, wink, wink' at John Sykes. Giggling.

No more. Ever.