Yearbook of 2008

Best Book: The three books by Stieg Larsson. Highly recommended. After finishing the first book at 5 in the morning I couldn't sleep. Had to know what would happend next, so I was at the bookstore knocking at the door when they opened. Highly addictive. Should have been 10 books but Stieg Larsson sadly passed away before he had to to write more.

Best CD: Easy. 'Venus In Overdrive' by Rick Springfield. It's a complete album, it has everything and you want to cry, you want to dance - it's so perfect you wonder if he'll ever be able to make another album again.

On The TV: Grey's Anatomy.

Discovered the show last spring and catched up during the summer. McDreamy and McSteamy rules. However, new season is a disapointment. Don't think it'll survive much longer. And on that note, ER is doing their last season. I miss it already. I have followed every episode - the

first aired in Sweden when I lived in a dorm at Stockholm University, 1994. It's a long time ago, much has changed.

Best Concert: 3 Doors Down at KB-halle. Magic. It was one of those life altering moments, when you know you won't be the same afterwards. Life is short, the world is enormous. A piece of the tasty Humble Pie is actually a good idea, from time to time.

Best Song: As I put Rick Springfield up as the best album I will but 3 Doors Down here for "It's Not My Home". Means a lot.

The Sexiest Man: I haven't seen John Sykes this year!! But I saw Bret Michaels, so he'll be the one. Only in the absence of Sykes, of course. But Jeff Scott Soto should have all the credit, thinking about it. He OWNED Firefest. My god, he was HOT. I confess to taking him for granted these days, such a down to earth guy - but seeing him at Firefest made me remember what an artist he really is. He's the one. Sorry Bret.

Neal Schon (above) and Paul Stanley (below) at Arrow Classic Rock in Nijmegen

Best Moment: There has been some good days. It's not all tears and sorrow. Seeing Kiss again, at Arrow Rock was cool. Journey with

'the new singer', when I closed my eyes it was Steve Perry for sure. Dare at Sweden Rock of course. Boyfriend and I have really been to a lot of concerts this year. Not as much as I used to, in the old days, but a lot for being 2008 and me living where I live. We didn't see Van Halen at Madison Square Garden, but apart from that we've seen what we wanted. More or less. Kansas doing a club gig in Malmö. Down of course and 3 Doors Down. But also Ted Nugent and Pretty Maids - twice.

Getting my precious iPhone was a great moment too, actually it's a great moment everytime I use it :-)

But I think, maybe, time spending with my friends has meant the most to me. My friends at the festival and outside. I am not a big talker and and I guess it all got too much, even for me. So, thank you for your patience.

Worst Moment: When I realised it was J they wrote about in the newspaper. That he was gone. Losing Michelle of course. And my sisters best friend A. It all happen in 12 days. Nothing will be the same. And yet, everything is the same. There's not a day without me thinking about them. Losing Uncle C wasn't expected either. I am still processing. Finding clues, talking slowly about them. But since I don't talk about my friends and family that much I know I am not an easy person to help.

Awesome Internet Experience: HardRockRadioLive.com - MadIan's show on Fridays!

Best Gig: Down at KB in Malmö. I dreaded th

e moment seeing any of the Pantera guys again. But seeing Rex and Phil it gave me closure. The music was filled with the energy I have missed so much from Pantera. Thank you for welcoming a Pantera follower and making her feel like home.

Drink of the Year: Margaritas (the Amy way, thank you) and planty of water!!!

Best Movie: 'Juno' is one of the most refreshing movies I have seen. Loved the dialogue and actors. I will see it many more times.

Eyes of The Year: J, let me never forget your beautiful, loving eyes behind the Harry Potter-specs.

Best Ian Gillan Tune of The Year: I still listen to 'Haunted' and 'Clouds & Rain' when I want to remember the past.

The Place of The Year: Manhattan, New York City

Best Metal Club: Nottingham Rock City, UK

Nicest Person: Mattias - BFF as the kids wo

uld say, uh? ;-)

Asshole of 2008: I still can't put it in printing. But anyone who knows me knows who he is. One day I'll write a book about him... or not about him as much as the ways he uses.

To summarize: I don't remember anything about Sweden Rock Festival 2008, I don't know how I got thru it. I am truly greatful for everyone helping out, covering for me during the festival week. Not asking questions, not mentioning my bloated face. Everyone keeping a happy smile and a joke ready.

I didn't know what it'd feel like losing someone close. I don't think I know now either. My life is great, I am happy. Most of the days I am happy. Still I go around like my head is stuck in a black cloud and I don't know how to get out of it. That's when John Waite comes around, his music takes me out of the cloud or at least mark it with a silver lining. Same with 3 Doors Down. Their title track 'Away From The Sun' nailed me on the spot.

It's down to this

I've got to make this life make sense

Can anyone do what I've done

I missed life

I missed the colours of the world

Can anyone go where I am

'Cause now again I've found myself

So far down, away from the sun

That shines into the darkest place

I'm so far down, away from the sun again

Away from the sun again

I'm over this

I'm tired of living in the dark

Can anyone see me down here

The feeling's gone

There's nothing left to lift me up

Back into the world I've known

'Cause now again I've found myself

So far down, away from the sun

That shines into the darkest place

I'm so far down, away from the sun

That shines the life away from me

To find my way back into the arms

That care about the ones like me

I'm so far down, away from the sun again

Final words: I think I should be more aware of life. How precious it is. Live life to the fullest and all that. Michelle is a rolemodel, she did the unexpected. She found love and she moved to Sweden and she got her own band here and she did good. She learned the language and she worked hard. She didn't give up her marrige easily, but she did what she had to do.

I don't do enough. I should work harder to get what I want. I just talk about the things I want to do, I don't actually do them. I used to, but it's as if I am to comfortable now. I don't like myself this way. Blame everyone else, but your self. I read an article about a Swedish woman my age who lived in New York City during the 9/11 and she worked with the Red Cross and did really good. She came back home after that and started working with the same I did before, in the Swedish Prison & probation service. (She probably got the job I applied for when I was going to move here.)

She didn't stay around for long at the job, she got new tasks and wrote papers and had ideas and the highest people in the system listened to her. Now she's moving back to NYC, working for the UN, representing the Swedish Prison & Probation service... I could have done that job. Or rather, I would love to have that job. It'd suite me perfectly. But it's not me. I don't struggle. I give up - or rather find new ways. I never know what it is I want. I get bored. When I get bored I want to do something else. And I change track, instead of evolving.

My fault.

My personality.

I have no idea how to find happiness. I am not even sure happiness exist in the shape I want it to be. But then again, it might. I do feel happy, not every day, but it's there. Not 'Charlotte in SATC'-happy, but it's there.

J always told me I could do anything I want to so that's what I'll try to tell me. How will I be able to remember it? Who shall tell me now, without sounding forged or fake?

Why?

I miss him so much.