as it happens

Trying to find smart things to write in my yearbook of 2009, it's become important to me, for some reason, I don't really know why. It's not like anyone reads it. But I guess it's some kind of 'temperature' of what things been like. And a way to get it all out before the new year kicks in.

This year has been odd in many ways. Actually this decade has been the most interesting in my life so far. The things that happened, what's been going. Moving from Gotland to Stockholm, nuying my first very own apartment and then selling it, moving again, south. Buying a house. The arrival of my niece almost 3 years ago. Talk about life changing moments. Losing friends, getting new friends, new jobs, new work, new look, new life, San Fransico, London, Dublin, New York, Rome, Tokyo, Osaka, Kamakura, Hiroshima, Kyoto... I've been paid to listen to lies, I saved someone's life. I've seen John Waite. I've been begged to stay. I've been fired. I've found love. Lost love. Found love again. I stood up for my belief and friends (and foes).

I have worked hard to get where I am now, still I don't know where I am. I don't know what I am supposed to do now. Should I follow my plan I made as a teenager? Or the one I made 10 years ago? Or are they - in fact - the same?

I think I would have been disapointed in myself, if I known as a teenager that I wouldn't know what to do next, pushing 40. But then again I guess I would just tell myself I've met Paul Stanley, is on a first name basis with Darren Wharton and John Sykes + I actually have saved lives - and as far as I remember, those were the most important things on my list.

But it doesn't help me now, decisions still needs to be made.